So Hysterically Bad, I Practically Peed Myself Twice

This weekend, before I bought a Playstation 3, I lounged about in bed and flipped on cable to see what was on. Low and behold: Lambada. Now, if you are my age, you may vaguely remember a movie with dark haired people grinding away on the screen with Lambada, The Forbidden Dance. This movie was not the same. A quick search on imdb.com (what the hell did I do before the Internet?!?) shows there were not just one, but two Lambada movies released in 1990. Really? Was the Lambada that popular of a dance it needed two movies released in the same year?

In my defense, I only watched this version of Lambada because it had a very early twenties Melora Hardin in it. Melora Hardin: beloved deceased wife of Adrian Monk and wonderfully psychotic ex-girlfriend of Michael Scott. She had the very short Just One of the Guys haircuts popular then, the teenage guys had the Miami Vice look, and people were chatting on their car phones. You know, the ones installed in their cars. There was one brick-sized cell phone with the foot long black antenna off of it.

The movie was so horribly, cheesy-bad, I couldn't figure out if it was good.

Summary: J. Eddie Peck in late 80's early 90's hair (think early Jon Bon Jovi) with the requisite dangling earring off the left ear (because left is right, and right is bad/gay) is a Beverly Hills high school math teacher during the day, and a Lambada groovin', black leather jacket/pants-tank top wearing, tutor to the inner city kids at a dance club nick named ... Blade. Oh god. It went down hill from there. Could a plot get more ridiculous than that premise alone?

Add in one Sandy Thomas (Melora Hardin) in early 90's short hair (think lead in Just One of the Guys) who is a spoiled, Beverly Hills student determined to sleep with her math teacher (going as far as tracking him down at the dance club and Lambada-ing with "Blade's" rival Ramon, who is determined to keep the inner city kids out of the tutor program to get their GED). And did I mention that Blade is married to a very put-upon wife who can't understand why Blade must go to the club every night to "tutor" and leave her with their young son at home?

Being a product of the 80's and 90's, I have fondness and nostalgia for many movies from that era. The Sure Thing, Better Off Dead, the aforementioned Just One of the Guys, the lesser known One Crazy Summer, all the way to Say Anything. (You may have noticed a common thread. So I liked John Cusack - sue me).

But I never saw Lambada when it came out in the theaters. No nostalgia for me. Ah, the ridiculousness of the plot and characters. The hair. The clothes. The late 80's/early 90's horror. I couldn't watch afer an hour.

I will say this: J. Eddie Peck was a hunk back then. All 80's styled hair and shaved chest. And thank god Melora Hardin moved onto bigger and better things. Her career survived the 1990's and she's matured beautifully. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for Lambada.